If you know me well, you know that I like a clean house and some order in my life. That's hard to do when you have six children, but I strive to do both because they are important to me. I have been feeling really convicted about being more disciplined in all areas of my life. I guess I've been feeling this way for a long time because I've made several New Year's resolutions in recent years to be more disciplined. I'm not a sloth by any means, but I realize that to whom much is given, much is expected. I feel like more is expected of me than what I am currently giving. Can you ever sense the Lord prompting you towards something? That's what I'm feeling.
I have also come to realize that it will take more than a resolution to change me. It's going to take God working in me.
There are three things in my life that I want very much. I'm going to share them openly with you because I need accountability. I want more patience, I want to be free from depression and I want to be more disciplined. God has been working with me on having patience for many years now (I am a slow learner but I do feel as though I am getting there). I'm doing all I know to do to beat the depression and I can tell you, it's not easy. Many days I take two steps forward and three steps backward. If I am more disciplined in caring for myself that will help with my depression.
I want to be more disciplined with my eating, exercise, Bible reading, money management, cooking and parenting. Whew! Just reading that kind of scares me. Do you know why? Because I know it's what God wants for me too, and I know it's not going to be easy getting there. Not to mention that I just documented it on public record for all to see. I'm in trouble now!
As a parent, I spend much of my day teaching my children through discipline. The little ones get time outs and much re-direction. The older ones are expected to complete homework, do chores, keep their room clean, etc. I can talk about discipline to my children, but to really teach it to them I need to model it regularly through my daily actions and behaviors.
I've tried to pinpoint those things that I allow to act as blockades in keeping me from actively pursuing a more disciplined way of living. I made a list (because I love lists);
1) My depression seems to keep me from having a lot of energy.
2) I am rebellious by nature.
3) I don't have great self-esteem, and therefore I don't take as good care of myself as I should.
4) It takes time to be disciplined and I have difficulty in allocating the time to focus on this (which is also impacted by the inherent decreased energy level).
5) I'm tired. Both physically and emotionally.
6) I like things that come easy..............and this does not. (Shoot!! Does that mean that I'm lazy?)
Jesus, I am ready to endure the pain of discipline so that I may produce the harvest of righteousness and peace that you promise. I ask that you would mold me into the person you would have me to be. I ask for your strength to sustain me. I want to be more like you and I want to be an example to my children.
As a means of self-accountability, I have vowed to pray this prayer daily (many times throughout the day if needed). I know that I will need to do this more at first because as I begin to work on those areas that need the most attention, I will desperately need to cling to God to keep me encouraged.