Monday, October 11, 2010

Need for Discipline

If you know me well, you know that I like a clean house and some order in my life.  That's hard to do when you have six children, but I strive to do both because they are important to me.  I have been feeling really convicted about being more disciplined in all areas of my life.  I guess I've been feeling this way for a long time because I've made several New Year's resolutions in recent years to be more disciplined.  I'm not a sloth by any means, but I realize that to whom much is given, much is expected.  I feel like more is expected of me than what I am currently giving.  Can you ever sense the Lord prompting you towards something?  That's what I'm feeling.

I have also come to realize that it will take more than a resolution to change me.  It's going to take God working in me.

There are three things in my life that I want very much.  I'm going to share them openly with you because I need accountability.  I want more patience, I want to be free from depression and I want to be more disciplined.  God has been working with me on having patience for many years now (I am a slow learner but I do feel as though I am getting there).  I'm doing all I know to do to beat the depression and I can tell you, it's not easy.  Many days I take two steps forward and three steps backward.  If I am more disciplined in caring for myself that will help with my depression.

I want to be more disciplined with my eating, exercise, Bible reading, money management, cooking and parenting.  Whew! Just reading that kind of scares me.  Do you know why?  Because I know it's what God wants for me too, and I know it's not going to be easy getting there.  Not to mention that I just documented it on public record for all to see. I'm in trouble now!

Hebrew 12:11 reminds us that “No discipline is pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.“(NIV)

As a parent, I spend much of my day teaching my children through discipline.  The little ones get time outs and much re-direction.  The older ones are expected to complete homework, do chores, keep their room clean, etc.  I can talk about discipline to my children, but to really teach it to them I need to model it regularly through my daily actions and behaviors.

I've tried to pinpoint those things that I allow to act as blockades in keeping me from actively pursuing a more disciplined way of living.  I made a list (because I love lists);

1) My depression seems to keep me from having a lot of energy.
2) I am rebellious by nature.
3) I don't have great self-esteem, and therefore I don't take as good care of myself as I should.
4) It takes time to be disciplined and I have difficulty in allocating the time to focus on this (which is also impacted by the inherent decreased energy level).
5) I'm tired.  Both physically and emotionally.
6) I like things that come easy..............and this does not.  (Shoot!!   Does that mean that I'm lazy?)

Jesus, I am ready to endure the pain of discipline so that I may produce the harvest of righteousness and peace that you promise.  I ask that you would mold me into the person you would have me to be.  I ask for your strength to sustain me. I want to be more like you and I want to be an example to my children.

As a means of self-accountability, I have vowed to pray this prayer daily (many times throughout the day if needed).  I know that I will need to do this more at first because as I begin to work on those areas that need the most attention, I will desperately need to cling to God to keep me encouraged.


rachel said...

gina - again, thank you so much for your vulnerability! this is also a subject dear to my heart because of so much prompting i'm feeling from the Lord in this area. i had a great awakening with the Spirit yesterday at church and in my heart. thank you for this prayer example - i want to be praying it too. please keep us updated on how God uses your openness to mold you!

AtOneWithHim said...

Love that verse. Lovely post, brave and wise.

Mrs. Pastor said...

1. The new banner is beautiful.
2. Some things that really helped me during my depression (and now) was trying to live in the moment and respect the energy depletion that accompanies depression. It's hard. I usually felt like I was cheating or being lazy. Depression is a nasty foe.

Be kind to yourself.

ChiefT said...

Thank you for this story. I hope you won't mind if I use it as an illustration of the parable of the talents in an upcoming sermon.

ChiefT said...

I hope you won't mind if I use the "cracked pot" parable as an illustration of the parable of the talents in an upcoming sermon. I was led to your blog by the phrase from Luke -- "to whom much is given, much is expected."

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