I posted this back in October but want to post it again in honor of an upcoming visit with my twins birth mom. She has never left the state she lives in, but is going to do so in April to come see us! She is my hero along with the many incredible birth moms I know personally. You know who you are! Love you!
I have many real-life heros.
The most dear to my heart are the women who chose to pursue the selfless road of adoption for their beloved children. I have been witness to the simultanous opposites of very deep pain intermixed with unspeakable joy that is the process of a mother giving the greatest gift. The gift of life and unselfish love.
In my eight plus years as an Adoption Specialist, I have watched as women chose adoption for their child not because they didn't want the child. It was the exact opposite. They wanted more for their child. It is never a decision that is easily made. There is a very negative (and very wrong) stereotype of women who chose to make an adoption plan. Some of these include assumptions that they don't have a maternal instinct, don't want to be inconvenienced by a child, etc.. A young woman choses life in the midst of her circumstances because of her great love. Some of these women make this decision knowing the love and sacrifice of our saviour the Father. Others however make the same wonderful choice without any understanding of this love and sacrifice but through their actions are manifesting this example of sacrificial love for others. This is the innate need to offer a chance at something she can't give.
I have stood beside women as they bore the physical pain of childbirth. Nothing in comparison to the pain of loving and losing of ones own choosing. It's not a passing pain. Time changes the pain but does not erase it.
I distinctly remember each birth where I was able to serve as support person/labor coach, but one in particular I will share with you. I remember holding her hand as she delivered her child, love embodied in a little person. The moment the baby was born she cried, a cry not of relief from the pain but of agony of what was ahead. I looked up and saw the joyful tears of the adoptive parents who had been witness to 2 previous deliveries of baby angels already in heaven. The vibrant cry of the child causing a distinctly different reaction on both sides of the adoption experience. It was more than my heart could bear. Love so great. I turned away looking out the window to catch my breath and whispered to my Lord, "Help me be your servant, don't let this be about my emotions right now".
In most cases, legal papers can't be signed for 48 hours and most women chose to care for their child for those brief hours. A time that passes much too quickly for the mom, each moment breathed in and captured for an eternity. The smells, the similiar characteristics shared, hugs and kisses to last a lifetime. Some people worry that the mom will bond with her baby during that time. I'm a believer that we bond with our babies while they are in our womb as well as after they are born. I encourage a woman to do whatever is necessary during that time in order to have 'no regrets'. I've never heard of anyone regreting they held their baby while I have heard them regret NOT holding them.
All too quickly it's time to sign papers which will separate mother and child by law but not by love. Nothing could ever remove the love that swells in the heart of a mother. A lifetime of hopes and dreams wrapped up and placed lovingly into the arms of another. Trusting God and man to take the precious gift through the next many years and watch over protect love and guide.
I have grown in my faith and been forever changed through my experiences in adoption. Many of the women I've walked this road with are still near and dear to me today.
It has been my greatest honor and privelege to love and care for expectant and birth moms. They through their actions exemplify the love of God in the truest sense. Giving all and asking very little in return.
Stay Tuned for Part II where I share our adoption story.