Sunday, August 1, 2010
When my son revealed to us that he had been using drugs and needed to go to treatment, my world crashed down around me. This is our child who we have worked with wholeheartedly to guide him in the right path. As a result of having ADHD, he is naturally drawn to make impulsive decisions. Knowing this, our parenting was very purposeful. We kept him somewhat on a tighter leash than any of the other children. We tried to prevent this, but it happened anyway.
I have learned that my children will make their own choices in spite of everything my husband and I have done to teach them right from wrong.
The first 2 weeks I attended parent meetings while Spencer was in treatment I didn't hear much about what they were saying about Spencer because I was stuck thinking about how this was affecting me. My pride leads me to say that 'This should not be happening to my son and my family'. I've struggle to be supportive of his new life which involves N/A meetings, after care programs, parent support groups, Al Anon. I didn't ask for this.
I started thinking about how Kevin and I are far beyond perfect. Though we try to be good people as well as good parents, it's a fact that we have a sinful nature. As parents we want our children to learn from our good example but we often forget that we can be a bad example as well. For this reason, when my children are grown, they will have become who they are in spite of having me as a mother. In spite of our best efforts, our children will make choices that will hurt them. Also, in spite of me being flawed, my children may turn out ok. They have free will to make their own choices both good and bad.
This summer I have learned a lot about my pride. The dictionary describes pride as 'having a high opinion of one's own dignity'. My pride issues usually revolve around being independent and not asking for anyone's help with my large family and busy life. I feel like it is my responsibility. Ironic, since I really needed help when I was suffering from major depression and it ended up being such a blessing to have it!
My pride has gotten in the way of being able to help my son because I believed that my family 'is better than this'. We're not suppose to have a kid with a drug addiction. We have poured ourselves into our children making their physical, emotional and spiritual health our priority.
I was reminded of two things. 1) I'm just a sinner saved by Grace. 2) Satan would love to destroy my family but God wants to use us to glorify him.
My husband often uses the phrase "It's not about me". He means that his life is about serving God and other people. He lives that out daily. Serving God and serving others comes pretty easy to me. Remembering that it's 'not about me' is much more difficult. This situation in particular is not about me. It's about my son whom I love very deeply. This is his personal fight for better physical, emotional and spiritual health. I will walk alongside him, loving and encouraging him along they way!