Thursday, May 20, 2010

I wish...

Sometimes I wish I had cancer. Then people would understand that I am sick and in pain and fighting for my life with this disease. It would be more socially acceptable to have cancer.

Depression is so poorly understood, especially among the Christian community. It is seen as a “lack of faith” or a personal downfall, neither of which is true.

Depression is painful, debilitating and very lonely. People don’t know what to say to someone who has depression, so most of the time they say nothing, which adds to the loneliness.

Most illnesses lead to an outpouring of support from family, friends and even total strangers. There are care pages and in Indiana they put up signs in peoples yards saying ‘Pray for _____’ who is sick. It’s different with depression. WHY? I’ve now lost 9 weeks of my life to this terrible illness. My family is hurting. My kids are missing their mom. My husband is bearing the burden of being both dad and mom to the kids as he too is hurting.

Today I am feeling lonely. I know Jesus is always here with me and that comforts me.
I have the terrible disadvantage of having depression in a place where I know almost no one, further adding to my loneliness.

Early on, someone brought a meal and came to see me. She climbed into my bed next to me and said nothing and by doing so, spoke volumes. It’s not about having the right words to say but instead about the act of reaching out.

I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m asking you to be empathetic with the next person that you know who has depression. Try to put yourself in their shoes. How would you want to be treated?


A.Lindahl said...

I love you GINA... I love your openness and honesty!!! Keep fighting the good fight my friend! I am praying for you!!!

Sarah Schwartz said...

Wish I could bring you a meal, or at least a "Cuss Cake"! You were always such a good cook! I always enjoyed when we shared meals together. We did a lot of shopping and eating together. I think of you often and wish I lived close enough to put my caring into practical help. Thank you for sharing your journey with me.

Peter Stone said...

I can so relate to what you are sharing here.

This is what I wrote back in 1990 while recovering from severe depression:

I have a handicap
but no one can see it.
I am not like someone who is crippled,
whose handicap everyone can see.
I am not like my friend,
who was born with his fingers deformed.
But like them, I do have a major handicap.
But no one knows,
no one can see it -
only the couple I have told.
Sometimes I wish
I had a visible handicap,
and then people would know -
Know what I feel like
and what I'm suffering from.

Thank God for your friend who reached out to you. Sometimes words simply are not necessary.

Jamie said...

Gina, what an amazing friend you have to do that for you. She must truly be a gift from God.

I live in a place I have lived my whole life and when I go through depressive episodes, I am so lonely that it's unbearable. It's probably a more self-induced loneliness since I close myself off from everyone, but I understand the loneliness all the same. It's terrible! Walking through life feeling alone and invisible is very difficult.

I wish you all the best! Things will get better one day, just hold on for that day!

Oh, and I love the cracked pot story that you posted. That is really beautiful and a great reminder to all of us cracked pots.

Your fellow sufferer in depression,

Mrs. Pastor said...

I recognize what you are describing. I know that it is very hard for people who've never been depressed to understand what it does to a person. I had a hard time understanding that depression was sucking the life from me and that I was not being lazy or selfish. Depression is a mess.


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