Wednesday, May 12, 2010
One of the things I love about Spring is watching the flowers come up and the trees sprouting new buds. This year is especially exciting because we moved in late September and I don't really know what's in my landscaping. I'm watching as new growth appears.
There is also new growth happening in me. My experience of depression has been difficult to say the least, but out of this I am experiencing a spiritual growth. I have preferred to be alone much of the time, lost in my own thoughts. There are times when God has seemed very far away, but most of the time I know He is here with me.
I recently read another woman's blog post and she described sleeping on the floor near the bathroom with a sick child, wanting to be there to comfort her during her illness. She tried to stay awake all night but ended up falling asleep. She shared Psalm 121:4 "He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep." She ended with "Have you felt God 'sleeping on the floor' near you lately?(Sarah Markley) I could visualize Him on the floor near my bed and I felt so much comfort knowing I am not alone and that he cares so much for me.
To expect anyone else to understand what I'm going through is ridiculous. I know that God knows and it is He I have leaned on solely. I don't have to come up with the right words to say what I'm feeling. HE KNOWS. My computer and my Bible have been my constant companions. I can even read my Bible on the computer!
Ephesians 3:15-21 are verses that I know, but feel like I have read them with new eyes. "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
It's really hard as a person with depression to at this moment grasp how wide and long and deep and wide God's love is for me. I want to understand that in a way I have not perviously. That's my prayer.
I am blown away by the knowledge that He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more that all we ask or imagine. I love adjectives and these are 2 great ones! I am asking God for many things; healing, joy, a deeper understanding of him, energy, peace and more. I am believing that he can do exceedingly and abundantly more than all I ask or can imagine!