Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sometimes a Gift is Not What We Imagine

I love giving gifts. I enjoy looking for the perfect gift. I love watching the reaction as the receiver opens the gift. I'm especially fond of getting gifts. I have learned that it is one of my love languages.

Sometimes a beautifully wrapped package may contain a gift which does not live up to the beauty of the package. Then there are packages that may appear from the outside to be not much to look forward to. I'm imagining a crushed box, wrapped in paper from a grocery bag that is a little torn.

Well, I was recently the receiver of such a gift.

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way.
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought." James 1:1-4

My friend Candy sent me this verse. I will admit that it is verses like these that make me initially angry. Oh yeah, a gift. Well I don't want it, can I return it? I didn't ask for it.

After I read the verse several times I was reminded of the name plaque that my parents had given to me as a child. It read 'Beauty of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom but before honor must come humility'. (Proverbs) I remember thinking "You mean I have to be humiliated before I can be honored?". That sure didn't sound like fun to me. Through the years, I have been humbled many times. I can remember my mom saying to me many times in different situations that occurred "..before honor must come humility". What I learned though was that God will continually use situations in my life to mold me into the person he would have me to be.

Here I am dealing with depression and that verse in James really resonated with me.
I'm not considering the depression a gift but I have seen some gifts through the experience so far. I have been gifted with my mother in law who has so unselfishly put her life on hold in order to care for my children and my home many days. My father in law Dwaine is driving the kids many places and keeping things in working order in the home. The same with my parents who are spending a couple of days each week at my house. My dad is keeping Roman and Rya busy by taking them on long walks to the park. My mom is on the move all day cleaning and cooking.

God is teaching me to trust him more. I have lost control of most of the things I was used to controlling in my life, and guess what, I don't even care that I'm not controlling them! Wow.

I am beginning to feel better. By that I mean, I have started to leave the house a little, I feel more clear headed and I have a little more energy.

The biggest "gift" is that God has given me a lot of time to think about how my faith works into this equation and how I can use this as a time of spiritual growth.

The crushed torn box I opened has contained 3 weeks of sickness, growth, spiritual awakening, learning to accept help and I haven't even gotten to the bottom of the box yet.

Please continue to pray for me.


runnergirl said...

I'm glad you're feeling a bit more energetic! I'm also glad you've been blessed with a wonderful family to help you through this.
We miss you at Bible Study. We'll continue to pray for you.
I think you've also been blessed with the gift of writing. I hope you continue to share your writing!
Love, Michelle

Faith said...

Awesome post. (And you know what, I always remember you as such a great gift giver!) Praying for you my friend. xoxo

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