Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Shades of Gray

I know in my mind that the flowers are blooming, the grass is turning green and the ski is blue. However, everything has looked like shades of gray to me. There is no color.

I realized this as I was riding in the car the other day. Someone else pointed out a few of spring’s beauties to behold. I could see but could not at all appreciate it. To me, it was as if I were looking through dark sunglasses that I was unable to remove.

I am however able to remember what things look like in full color; it’s just that currently I can’t see with those eyes.

I have tried over time to overcompensate for my feelings of depression by purposefully looking for a positive in every negative. I believe there is always a positive.

What could be positive about seeing things in the shades of gray, which represent my depression? I decided to go to the Bible for some answers.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 There is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.

I am working through this time of sadness so that I can dance! I love to dance though admittedly, I’m a site to behold! My kids always laugh at me when I dance but I know they LOVE to see me happy.

Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

In many ways I do have a broken heart. I’m working through this in counseling. It’s not easy but it will be worth it in the long run. I wholeheartedly believe that the Lord will take what seems to be a horrific experience and turn it into something good.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, Psalms 30:11

I remember a song from my childhood utilizing this verse. Oh how I loved that song! I love the thought of being clothed with the Joy of the Lord.

John 15:11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

Joy is something that I want to feel with intensity like I have not known before. I’ve been praying that the Lord would remove anything that is hindering my ability to receive Joy.

Gray is not a bad color; in fact, I love to wear the color gray. It’s just that I don’t like what gray is representing in my life currently. God created all of the colors of the rainbow and I want to be able to appreciate them.

I’m looking for a rainbow, which is a symbol of God’s promise and because it’s a magnificent sight to behold! When I finally see a rainbow, I want to be awestruck by its’ beauty in the way that God intended for me to see it.


ariyana9501 said...

Oh, Gina! I've had your blog bookmarked on my computer since you began, but when I switched over to my laptop back in February, I didn't add it here! I'm so sorry I missed out on all of this.....I feel a bit like I missed out on a lot, and I truly hope that you are working through these issues. I don't understand all there is to know about depression, but I do know from seeing what it has done to many people, that it can be very debilitating. I love you, Gina. I wish you the best through this difficult journey.

Cindy@FromSeedstoSunflowers said...

I am praying for you. I can relate to the things that you have shared. I understand the shades of grey. It is hard. You will get through this. You are doing amazing things by realizing and writing out these thoughts. You are shedding light to that darkness. I will continue to pray for you and lift you up. I pray that you experience joy and to the fullest. I pray for the colors of life to come and for you to be lifted out of this cloud - in His timing.
It may sound crazy but I know that God is using you during this time to lift up others... to touch people. You will be blessed for it.
Love ya!

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