Saturday, April 3, 2010
I can feel my family becoming frustrated with me. I am frustrated with myself. Why can't I get out of bed? Why can't I eat? Why can't I do simple tasks? Most of all, why can't I take care of my family? I wish I could explain it. I wish I could just wake up one morning and everything would be back to normal.
Yesterday I found out that a friend of mine gave birth to a stillborn baby. They had been told they could not get pregnant, adopted and then miraculously were pregnant! What a sad ending to a very incredible story. I think about what they are going through and know in my heart they are finding a way to praise the Lord through their circumstances.
Another friend who has been a light in my life found out this week she has breast cancer. I haven't talked to her yet, but I know she is leaning on her faith during this very scary time.
I am spending my time alone with the Lord, thanking Him for all the things he is doing in my life because of depression. Asking Him to help me to become the person he wants me to be and praying about what he has in store for me in the future. One day I hope to be able to thank him for allowing me to go through depression itself. I know in this life there is pain. We are not to expect that things will always good. So in all things, I will praise him!
Psalm 116:3-9 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD: "O LORD, save me!" The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.