Monday, March 29, 2010

When I am Weak Then I am Strong

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he [Jesus] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (NIV)

What a great verse for me to hold on to! There are many lessons God is teaching me.

I am feeling impatient. I know right, shocking if you know me well! I want this to be over. I want to be in control once again. There's another lesson for me to learn-not having to control things all the time. Ok God, I believe you are using this to change me. Bring it on!

I can't believe how debilitating this is. How lonely. How painful. I have found some good blogs written by others who suffer from depression. Many of them know how to put into words how they are feeling much better than I can. Peter Stone wrote this poem;

5th Sept 1990 -
The Invisible Handicap

I have a handicap - but no one can see it.
I am not like someone who is crippled, whose handicap everyone can see.
I am not like my friend, who was born with his fingers deformed.
But like them, I do have a major handicap.
My nervous system is over-sensitive, and has been so all my life.
For the past nine months, it has developed a nervous habit,
Of over manufacturing fear related adrenalin,
Causing physical and emotional side effects.
But no one knows, no one can see it - only the couple of people I have told.
Sometimes I wish I had a visible handicap, and then people would know -
Know what I feel like and what I'm suffering from.

I have managed to pinpoint the main area of conflict,
That manages to cause so many problems in me.
The conflict lies between what I think I can do,
And what I really can do.
Because I have a capable and analytical mind,
Which can visualize me doing many things,
Yet only now I have finally learnt,
That my emotional system is mega-sensitive -
Over-sensitive, in fact.
It bruises and bleeds so easily, and affects me in so many ways.
I never realised that all "these" things that happen to me,
Have all been caused by this one thing.
I did not realise anything was wrong, and kept going.
The other problem is my lack of physical energy,
My mind never considers it when pondering what to do.

What he said about sensitivity rings so true with me. I don't just feel things, I feel them very deeply. It is I'm sure, partly what makes me a good social worker. But it also pains me.

So I will continue to move through the dark tunnel until I see the light knowing his grace is sufficient for me.


Cindy@FromSeedstoSunflowers said...

May you continue to bring light to that darkness, my friend. Hold on, He is doing a great work in you. He is your rock, your foundation and you are in perfect hands. Praying for you.

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