Saturday, March 20, 2010
March 19, 2010
This week I finally succumbed to the depression that has been darkening my soul for many years. I have tried so hard to look and act happy. It was a lot of work to hide my depression. I can trace my first depressive feelings as far back as my sophomore year in college. It seems that over the years things have slowly gotten worse.
I feel low on energy to the point that I can't take care of myself or anyone else.
I feel sad all the time. I cry a lot.
I am very foggy and can't concentrate on anything. I find it hard to formulate words or express thoughts.
I would prefer to be alone than with people.
I am irritable and irrational.
I don't care about anything.
It has been a huge relief to me not to have to "hide" my depression. I never wanted to appear weak. I didn't want to be judged. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I don't like anyone to see me like this, especially my kids.
There is no event which triggered this. In fact, I have a great life, great kids and a fabulous husband. I have no reason to be anything but happy. However, I have major depressive disorder. It's a problem in my brain. There is medication which can help the part of my brain that isn't working right. I am hopeful that the medication I have started taking will give me my life back.