Saturday, March 20, 2010

March 19, 2010

This week I finally succumbed to the depression that has been darkening my soul for many years. I have tried so hard to look and act happy. It was a lot of work to hide my depression. I can trace my first depressive feelings as far back as my sophomore year in college. It seems that over the years things have slowly gotten worse.

I feel low on energy to the point that I can't take care of myself or anyone else.
I feel sad all the time. I cry a lot.
I am very foggy and can't concentrate on anything. I find it hard to formulate words or express thoughts.
I would prefer to be alone than with people.
I am irritable and irrational.
I'm anxious.
I don't care about anything.

It has been a huge relief to me not to have to "hide" my depression. I never wanted to appear weak. I didn't want to be judged. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I don't like anyone to see me like this, especially my kids.
There is no event which triggered this. In fact, I have a great life, great kids and a fabulous husband. I have no reason to be anything but happy. However, I have major depressive disorder. It's a problem in my brain. There is medication which can help the part of my brain that isn't working right. I am hopeful that the medication I have started taking will give me my life back.


Reaching for a far greater glory said...

Gina, thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. I am so, so sorry that this is happening to you. You can beat this! I know in my heart that this is the beginning of a huge recovery for you. I am praying. Karen

Faith said...

Gina, I love you so much. Thank you for being so transparent, I know that it can't be easy. I am praying for you on this journey into freedom from this darkness. God will use this and you are a testimony to many others. xoxo

Kimberly said...

Sorry Lingin, you know I have shared that struggle. I'll shout from the mountaintop that seretonin is my best friend! I think sometimes it only makes it harder when there isn't any "event". At least for me it was. I felt guilty for not being happy, somehow felt like I wasn't grateful. But you're right, it's an imbalance and I hope your new med helps "balance" you again. Hang in there!

Trina said...

Sensed something but couldn't put my finger on it.The bottom is a terrible place to be and the climb out isn't easy but is worth the fight!I love you and know you will be ok now that you've gotten are as stubborn as I am when it comes to accepting the fact that we can't always do it all:)

Stephanie said...

I'm thinking about you often and praying for you just as much. I love you.

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